Pants On Fire
by because of the name
Summary: Regina Mills really doesn't like Emma Swan. Because everybody knows boys have cooties and Emma… she acts just like one of them. AU kids!SQ


**__So as you guys probably have read, this is AU. The characters are in elementary school and Snowing aren't Emma's parents. Characters who are children in the original series, such as Henry Mills, Hansel and Gretel, Grace, etc., are absent.**

**The fic includes a vile!Regina and a sassy!Emma. Nothing out of the ordinary but just thought you should know.**

**Don't have a Beta. All mistakes are mine.**

**Disclaimer: OUAT is not mine.**

_They're absolutely disgusting_, passed through the 10 year old's mind as she walked confidently towards the school's gate, backpack industriously put on both her shoulders. _This Killian guy, for example, he smears his snots all over his shirt. And the little Cassidy, he still brings his teddy bear at school and cries, face burrowed in its tummy, when he thinks no one else is watching. _Regina shook her head, repulsed. She couldn't believe there had been a time her father, a man so well-kept and exquisite (she's not sure what the last word means but it doesn't matter), had been a small boy just like _these _here and probably behaved in a similar way.

The classes hadn't begun yet so the yard was still filled with playing children. Jefferson's shaggy head was peeking from between an oak's branches and he was yelling at August Booth: _I'm here, you wooden noodle!_

David and Victor were fighting with fake swords and when Mary Margaret (the stupidest girl in school, in Regina's opinion) walked by, both of them raised their voices into what had to be battle cries but sounded like strangled crows squawking.

Rumpelstiltstskin, who passed for the smartest boy in school, was making a fool of himself, trying to impress Belle French by throwing gummy bears in the air and catching them with his mouth. The tiny girl seemed fascinated with but she was shying back at the same time.

"Boys are gross. And you should think girls are gross, too."

Rumpel swallowed a green apple flavored gummy bear and gave her a hurt look. "No, you're not. And we're not gross either. At least I'm not." He offered her his hand unsurely.

Belle was clearly having an inner debate. Her small teeth caught her lower lip, she even hesitantly stretched a hand but then she saw Regina giving her a disapproving look, and cringed back abruptly.

"Eww, no!" She scrunched her face in an over-exaggerated manner. "Cooties!" And then ran away, her pink sandals slapping the cement furiously.

Rumpelstilstskin was left behind her, with a miserable face and a half-empty package of gummy bears in his hand.

_What a dummy, _Regina thought scornfully and then she froze. Another figure appeared in her field of vision. Or better said, two figures – one carrying the other.

It was her. _Her_. That insufferable girl who didn't know her place in society (this is what her mom says about _her_ parents, so Regina's sure it applies for _her_ as well). Her unruly blonde hair was dangling, the wind messing it and making it a curly ball of nothing, and her arms, seemingly skinny and weak, were obviously strong enough to bear another person's weight. The elf-looking brunette, with head snuggled in her chest, was looking up at her like she was some kind of a goddess. Regina suddenly felt her blood boiling but she didn't know why.

It looked like the blonde finally had gotten tired because at the very moment she was putting gently the other girl on the ground and crouching next to her. A pale hand was carefully laid on a bleeding knee.

"Does it still hurt?" The blonde asked carefully.

The brunette smiled, despite the fact her eyes were shining with unshed tears.

"Not so much anymore."

The blonde grinned, obviously pleased with herself.

"I'll go find a teacher, 'kay?"

The other girl nodded. "It's good you're not a boy." She suddenly said.

The blonde gave her a confused look. "Why?"

The brown-haired girl offered a shy smile. "Because you don't have cooties. And I could marry you one day."

Regina couldn't suppress the gasp leaving her throat. Both girls looked up at her, obviously seeing her just then for the first time. Ruby, that was the smaller brunette's name, blushed furiously and bowed her head. The blonde girl coughed awkwardly and stood up.

"I'll be right back." She assured her friend and then started walking towards the school as quickly as possible. But Regina wasn't about to leave things this way – she ran after her.

They were inside the building already when the dark-haired girl yelled. "Hey, Swan."

The blonde sighed and slowly turned around. "Ruby needs me, okay?" Her voice sounded conciliatorily. "Just leave me alone."

"When will you stop pretending you're a prince?" Regina spat venomously, clearly ignoring the plea. "I know you're one of them so stop pretending you're nice or something."

The blonde furrowed an eyebrow, puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

Regina smirked and made a step forward. _Only to intimidate her, of course. She may be crude but she can't be scared easily like the rest of them. _"You may look like a girl but we all know you're a boy. And you're infected, Emma Swan."

The so-called Emma crossed her arms stubbornly and her lower lip jutted out.

"No, I'm not!" She objected loudly.

"Yes, you are!" Regina hissed, malice in her voice.

"I'm not contagious! There's nothing wrong with me!"

"You play swords and hide-and-seek with them, you bring cars and marbles to school. And you're not afraid you'll get sick. Because you already are infected!" Regina knew she was asking for it. She was challenging Emma to hit her but she knew she wouldn't. Emma was a boy. Boys were taught to never hit girls. She wouldn't dare-

_Smack! _The slap was so loud it echoed through the whole still almost-empty school. Regina stumbled back and managed not to fall on her ass at the last moment. A hand flew to a reddened cheek, eyes big and glassy, and she felt the panic rising in her throat. _What the-_

"Yes, I was taught not to hit girls." Emma confirmed her unsaid thoughts. "But you're something much worse."

With that, she turned around, steps clanging loudly on the floor, and left Regina absolutely dumfounded in the middle of the hallway.

* * *

The lunch break wasn't over yet but the kids were done with their food so everybody was back at the yard.

Most of the boys were chasing each other, shouts and childish insults filling the air. Only Rumpel was still ruminating his gummy bears, giving sad looks to a sitting nearby and paging through a picture book Belle.

Mary Margaret, Ruby and Ashley were playing with a jump rope, the second and the third one turning the tool. Ruby was clearly not interested and while the end of the rope was loosely tied around her wrist, her eyes were darting towards Emma.

The blonde was one of the most active participants in the tad game. She was as fast as a lightning, faster than most of the boys who still obstinately ran after her, not wanting to accept the fact a girl could be better. Eventually Killian and Philip both stepped in her way and caught her.

"Aha! You're it!" They both cried out victoriously.

Emma just grinned widely and swooped after them. And profanities once again started flying around.

All this idyll was observed sideways by one angrier than ever and feeling humiliated Regina Mills. If before she had despised Emma Swan, now she clearly hated her. Hundreds ridiculous plans of revenge were forming in her head at the same time.

_Tell a teacher Emma hit her. Tell Emma's parents Emma hit her. Tell her own mom Emma hit her… oh, her mom will show her good._

Come on, this was so pathetic. She was a big girl. She would do it just fine by herself.

_Put garbage in her locker. Lock her in the restroom. Steal her test before she can give it to the teacher, erase all her answers and write false ones._

No, this was not enough. It had to be something big… something… something…

A big grin lightened Regina's face. This. Was. Perfect.

* * *

"Mother?" Regina tentatively pronged her head through the half-opened door.

Cora Mills huffed irritated behind her desk, took her glasses off and turned around. "Regina, I told you I have work. What is it?"

Regina gave her sweetest smile. "Mother, can I go out and play?"

Cora quirked an eyebrow, surprised by her daughter's request as the girl had always preferred to stay in her room and read books. "Play? With whom exactly?"

The girl shrugged her shoulders. "There are kids outside. I'll find someone."

Cora opened her mouth to ask something more (because seriously, since when her child wanted to play outside?) but then figured anything was better than the little one pouting and annoying her right now. "Yeah, whatever. Just don't be late for dinner."

"Okay, thank you, mother." Was the distant reply.

"And don't go near the Walters' kids, they're always so filthy!"

"Fine!"

* * *

Riley Walter scooped a decent handful of fresh mud and threw it right into her brother's face, earning a muffled protest and a cry from the younger boy. She gave him an idiotic smile and bended to get some more dirt. That was when she heard a sickeningly sweet voice behind her.

"Hello, Riley."

The girl turned around, baffled that the Mills daughter, a prim little missy, was talking to her.

"Uhm, Regina…" She muttered, somehow ashamed by her disheveled look, when she saw the other girl, with her clean and perfectly ironed clothes and neatly combed hair.

Regina gave her a big and amazingly fake smile but Riley was so unused to other kids, besides her brother (who did it pretty unwillingly, she had to add), actually talking to her that she didn't even care.

"Do you want to play with me?"

Riley's face lightened up like a Christmas star and she nodded eagerly. "What are we going to play?"

Regina's smile widened even more if that was possible. "How about I give you a make-over, hm?"

Riley was not a really big fan of girly things but – scratch that – if it meant, a girl as proper as Regina Mills would play with her, why not?

"Okay."

"Perfect." Regina clapped her hands and as if from nowhere a brush appeared in her hand. "Let's take care of your hair first…"

* * *

_P.E. class was really exhausting, _Emma thought as she walked into the changing room, sweat dripping from her face and body. Mr Lancaster, her teacher, had let her play soccer with the guys instead of volleyball with the girls which she had been really grateful for. But of course, those envious scumbags (her mom would be so angry if she heard her say this word) had told her she'd be a goalkeeper and during the game had kicked the ball only in her direction – even the boys from her own team. Yeah, sometimes they were really nice to her and all but very often they just took the opportunity to show her she would never be one of them.

_You're contagious! _Regina cackled, the smug smirk never leaving her face.

_Back off, Em. You're just a girl. _David shrugged his shoulders pitifully.

Emma sighed and tried to shake these thoughts off. She wasn't contagious. And she wasn't just any girl. One day she'd prove it to all of them.

She patiently waited until all the girls left the showers (it was just so embarrassing being naked around other people) and after she was done, she returned to the changing room to dry herself and brush her hair. Ah, there. Much better. She scratched her pate and left, much more refreshed and cheerful than before.

* * *

After the weekend Emma Swan didn't come to school for a whole week. The guys, even though they would never admit it, missed having her around – to play football and cards with her and to tease her – at least a little bit. Ruby missed her knight – she wasn't rude and nasty like the boys, she was brave and strong. And they would definitely marry each other one day. Regina… she didn't miss her. The stupid blonde deserved everything she got – whatever that was, because she sure didn't have anything to do with Emma's absence. Emma was just so dumb and full of herself.

And her hair didn't shine at the sunlight. And her smile wasn't the prettiest thing in the world. On the contrary, she was ugly. Very ugly. And she was _infected_.

Emma appeared on the next Monday, with a wretched face and short hair. Her precious golden locks were gone and her eyes all red and puffy, probably from crying. Ruby immediately ran to her knight the second Emma's parents dropped her at school.

"Em?" She whispered frightened. "What happened to you?"

Emma gave her a mournful look and only grumbled. "Cooties."

* * *

Regina straightened her back and lifted her chin in what she hoped was a regal manner (_Always behave like a queen_, her mother had said once) as she was walking towards the bleachers at the school stadium.

"Leave me alone." She heard a muffled groan but of course that didn't stop her from climbing the stairs and sitting down, good fifteen feet between her and the other girl.

"I told you." Regina answered. "I told you that you were a boy but you didn't believe me."

"I'm not a boy!" Emma Swan's furious green eyes met her own brown ones.

"Of course you are." Regina insisted. "That's why you had cooties. All of you do."

The blonde sighed. "You don't understand anything. I really don't want to talk to you."

The flame once again flared up in Regina's small body and threatened to burn her whole. "I? I don't understand? Well, if you wanna know, I was the one who-" She bit her tongue so hard she could feel the metal taste of blood.

Emma gave her a suspicious glance. "You were the one who did what?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing." Regina muttered, cursing her big mouth.

Emma scooped closer and the brunette hurriedly slipped further away.

"What did you do?" The blonde gritted through her teeth.

Regina's instincts kicked in and she stood up, ready to run. But then this was her revenge. Her perfect revenge. She couldn't get away. She didn't have to.

"I stole your brush from your locker." The words started flowing from her mouth before she could stop them. "I brushed a girl's hair with it. She lives in my neighborhood and she and her brother never bathe and they smell nastily. I thought she had cooties." Regina tried to grin as smugly as possible because really, vengeance should make her feel a lot better than that. "And I was right. You didn't even notice it was missing, did you?"

All Emma did was stand still on her butt and stare unbelievingly at her. Regina felt her smirk faltering, her cheeks starting to flush and her knees wobbling. Wha- What was going on? Why was her tummy doing these weird somersaults? Why wasn't Emma yelling in rage or stomping her feet or… even another slap would be a more normal reaction!

"What?" She whispered eventually.

Regina blinked, unsure of the meaning of the question. "What what?"

"What did I ever do to you?" The blonde asked slowly, her accusing eyes digging holes in the dark-haired girl's face.

"You slapped me!" Regina replied indignantly.

"It was all your fault. You said I had cooties!"

"I proved you had cooties."

Emma jumped on her feet and took a few big steps towards Regina, her whole body radiating with ire. The brunette stepped back fearfully but trembled with excitement at the same time because finally, finally Emma felt just as helpless in her anger as Regina had.

"You… you…" She breathed heavily, her small being not able to deal with a wrath so big.

Regina licked her lips and her finger jabbed the blonde's chest. "What now, Swan? You gonna hit me again?"

The burning green eyes looked at her like they were about to devour her whole… and they suddenly softened. Emma's mouth curved into a smile.

"No." She whispered, gaze boring into Regina's, whose breath suddenly hitched in her throat. "Better."

And before the shorter girl could do something (anything), a big sloppy kiss was pressed right on her lips. Regina's eyes grew wide and her hands rose up immediately to push that jackanapes back, only to freeze in the air for an unknown reason.

Emma pulled away, a enormous and kinda goofy grin on her flushed face. All Regina could do was blink like a total dumbass in front of her.

"Liar, liar," The blonde chanted smugly. "You love cooties now, don't you?"

And with that, she skipped away back towards the school building, leaving the wheels in Regina's head jammed and absolutely unable to move.

**_End_**

* * *

**Please review, it means a lot to me! :)**


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